As opposed to the well-known "daddy issues" (how did Demi make this seem enticing?), I've got mommy issues. It's not something I often share on here, but I figured now is as good a time as any to open up.
My childhood is largely a blur. I took PSYCH 101 so no worries, I know memories are as messed up as we are. A lot of our "memories" have actually been misremembered, implanted in our minds via stories (so not really memories at all), or are largely false. Or maybe trauma led you to block some of them out. I can hardly remember anything that's gone badly in my life, but I do remember how I felt in the aftermath.
My mom left when I was in 7th grade (or was it 8th? I wasn't kidding about not remembering much). I will never fully understand whatever was happening in my parent's marriage at that time, and I know I'll never be able to truly grasp the conditions surrounding her flee from our house. I had a super easy breezy childhood, with the nuclear family much intact. I'm sure we had normal hiccups like the rest of the families on this planet, but I remember being pretty happy. Once she was gone, it was like a chasm opened up and a brand new reality tumbled out.
I could dive as deep as if you were my personal therapist, but I think that's for another day. As you might imagine, I have some trust issues with mommy dearest. She has some issues as well, of a rather different variety...but to be fair don't we all? I won't pretend to understand why she is the way that she is, but my love and respect for her has been punctured in a multitude of hurtful ways. Good interactions were closely followed by negative ones, and without getting too deep--I'm a bit guarded with her now. It's the only way I can feel safe.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
While I try to extend the same grace which has been afforded me, I am human and fail on the regular. I want anyone out there who also agonizes in the Hallmark aisle for a card which reads "You scarred me and left but I hope you have a good Sunday and that one day I don't hurt quite so much." rather than the "YOU DA BEST MOM EVER!". Just know that you're not alone and neither am I. Maybe next year I'll have unpacked this baggage to a place where those cards don't make me roll my eyes (or let's be honest, cry right in public like a psycho). Maybe I'm immensely unfair and I'll never know that she was fully justified in doing exactly what she did. All I am certain of, is that I am who I am because of each and every thing I've endured, and I like that person. This life has brought me surrogate mommas in the most important ways. So here's to my biological mom and every other woman who's filled in the holes she left in me--
Happy Mother's Day!
You really are amazing. I admire you, I thank you, and I hope you know that even if you messed up along the way--so did everyone else. Motherhood is such a selfless state (one I've clearly never entered the ranks of so I promise I'm no expert), but I know that one day I'll carry along a bit of wisdom from each mom who's treated me like their own.
I've been noodling on this concept for a while now, to say the least. A long while would probably hold most true. I started this blog when Evan and I were first married, I was navigating my first year out of school in two decades, and learning the ups and downs of my first full time job.
I needed an outlet, and that is what I found. I started my Dainty instagram in November 2014 and quickly became consumed by it. It was all hair to begin with, but as brands wanted to work with me, and my hair inspo quickly dwindled until there was little at all, it became a fashion page. I don't have to do my hair intricately on the daily, but there are laws commanding my getting dressed all 365 of them. Though my love for what initially fueled the invention of my page fizzled out, my love for the 'gram was stronger than ever...until about January 2017.
It was then I was introduced to The Minimalists by a friend, and I hopped on that bandwagon too. To be fair, this seems like a mighty fine bandwagon to join and I am still very much involved with all the media they put out into the world. This duo shares how they've improved their lives with less. Less stuff gives them more time for their health, time to dedicate to their values, and time to spend on their loved ones instead of things they "love". I went through a phase where cleaning out my closet and decluttering were a normal after work activity, and it worked for a while. But eventually the stuff found it's way back in, because I was solving the symptoms and not the disease.
If you've spent any amount of time on instagram (and according to many studies, you probably have), you know that the fashion Instagram sphere encourages an antithetical approach to minimalism. It encourages you to buy more, follow more, post more, comment more, MORE MORE MORE! And never stop doing more by the way, because the algorithm will find you and somehow find a way to chop off your legs. I have no idea how the algorithm works (do any of us really?) but in my understanding, the more you play on Insta, the more visible you are. So unless you're spending a LOT of time liking, posting, commenting, following, etc. you're basically invisible not only to new people but to the PEOPLE WHO ALREADY FOLLOW YOU. How messed up that is, I don't think I need to explain.
Add this to my finding Jesus, and my word you've got an absent Instagrammer.
I grew up going to church but hating every second there. I was there, but I didn't know why and I certainly didn't get much out of chasing my brother and cousin around at "children's church" each week. Not only because I was slow as hell, but because there was little biblical teaching. To be fair, I don't think I would've been very responsive even if there had been. Fast forward to August 2017 when I finally stepped foot into the church I'd been driving past for two years. As a painfully introverted girl with some serious RBF, I wasn't sure what church I'd be able to find whose members wouldn't bombard me at the door ready to make me talk. My dad kindly suggested I slip in right at the start of service so there wasn't much talking time. I'm so type A I hadn't even considered there was an alternative to showing up everywhere 10 mins early (minimum). So slip in I did, and it wasn't long until the church truly became my sanctuary. I can breathe there, I am safe there, and I am among friends. I even like to talk to these friends now.
Sorry for the forever long backstory, but it was necessary to get you where I'm next taking you.
Instagram is so ugly to me now. Or I suppose, the way I've been using it has lost it's luster. The constant influx of "you need this" is frankly exhausting and UNTRUE! We are bombarded with the message that we aren't enough. We don't make enough, have enough, spend enough, look good enough, ANYTHING enough. And believing that is a sad way to spend our days. My momma told me that as I grow closer to God, the world will become less and less. And as always she is correct! I love following very few of the accounts I actually look through daily, and because I didn't want to add to the detrimental noise of anyone else's life I've shied away from my own feed. I want to spend my time and attention on who and what truly matters, and I'm happy to let my follower count dwindle as I spend less and less time on Insta. What started as a creative outlet quickly took on a life of its own, and I've got so much more worth focusing on than an app. I balk at the amount of time spent on my phone each day, and how much better my time could've been spent. Looking at stranger's accounts will get you nothing at the end of the day, but investing in yourself and your values always pays off. I encourage you to unfollow anyone who gives you any type of negative feel! Myself included.
I no longer feel at home on Insta, but instead in the sphere of people who truly matter to me and in the church that is my refuge. I have battled anxiety since childhood, and that can easily flirt with depression if untended. 2018 seems to be the most anxiety-ridden time in American's lives to date, and I know it's only up from here unless we enact some serious principle reversing here. Instagram and our completely backwards society want us to keep searching, but not for anything that will satiate our desires or close our wallets. Malls are filled with people looking to purchase what can never be bought. Don't buy into it (pun intended). In case you need a reminder like I do:
You are in this world, but not of it. Don't let it consume you.
You are enough, you have enough, and you do enough.
If you'd like to treat the disease rather than the symptoms, start with prioritizing what matters to you. And then end with that, because this one wild, precious life is YOURS alone to do with as you will.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please feel free to comment them or email me <3
Hi pals! Long time no talk...again...I'm the least consistent of the bloggers I tell you. Thanks for checking in regardless of that little fact!
Though spring is just around the corner, it feels miles away. Indiana is hitting us with another cold front this week and adding that to the springing forward nonsense, I'm just not too pleased. BUT! I know that warmth is close, and that will keep me going until it's here.
Spring styles have adorned stores for months already, so by the time it actually shows up we'll be more than prepared! One of my favorite additions to my shoe collection this year are these beauties from Sandgrens Clogs!
I've worked with Sandgrens before but am still more impressed with them each time! The quality of these handcrafted beauties is unmatched, and the resulting comfort is how you know their craft has been perfected. Though I've not gotten to wear these all day yet, I know they'll be a perfect pair to wear to work! Retail leaves my feet in pain so often but I know that won't be an issue with these.
These shoes will go perfectly with dresses and denim alike, and I know you'll see them a lot more in the upcoming months!
What kind of spring styles will you be rocking this year?
well...hello fam bam
How are we already weeks into the new year?! I'm not one for resolutions but I am one for fixing whatever needs fixed in your life, as soon as you can! Last year I adopted a new diet, upped my Pilates fix to 3x/week, and welcomed my husband to the wonderful world of working full time!
I really do love reflecting on what the past year has brought (good, bad, and ugly) and I am all for finding areas that could use some improvement.
So while I am NOT calling these resolutions, I did want to share what I've been
focusing on so far this year.
What have you been up to so far this year? Also...thanks for reading this. You are my people :)
Tay and I have a Christmas tradition where we do something extravagant, fun, and spend more than our usual 20 mins together! This year we were lucky enough to spend this special date at Ironworks Hotel in Indy!
Photos by Brooke Anne Photography
We had dinner and drinks with our boys Friday night, and were in bed (Tay snoring like a buzzsaw) by 9:30...and immediately admitted how bizarrely old that made us feel. By 6 am we were bright eyed, bushy tailed, and ready for more bonding spent in our favorite way--eating. We had breakfast at Rize which is their conjoined breakfast spot. On top of the aesthetics of the place being too good for words, the food and service were also phenomenal. I shall be dragging Evan there as soon as I can for a repeat!
We would have gladly spent our entire Saturday chatting in the lobby but alas our carriages became pumpkins again and our staycation had to end. We will be back as soon as humanly possible to enjoy the friendly staff and beautiful rooms. Oh and also--the entire hotel smelled of the most pleasant man (you know, the real handsome kind who also have manners and believe in chivalry). I have no idea how they rigged the place to do that but I'm very interested in busting through their air vents on my next visit to steal whatever it is.
If you need a staycation soon (or if you're out of town and need a rec!) I can't recommend Ironworks enough. And also, if you get there before I do, bonus points if you figure out how they get the hotel to smell so good.
Behind the dainty days is a whole lot of planning. And coffee.