This post is radically overdue.
To be fair, I was overdue for a break...fair is fair right?
This past summer was a game changer for me. I won't get to the nitty gritty now (probably ever) but the point is that I was rocked. All the way to my core where I hadn't truly checked in in years. And I learned and grew and came out stronger just like they always say you do...so if you're in the middle please have hope. And also please understand that between our first and last breath, we're all in the middle. And it SUCKS...for ALL OF US! Not a one of us gets out of this alive, after all. But it's also a gift. We really do grow through what we go through and I can honestly view my summer from a point of gratitude rather than resentment or anger or frustration. Not because it was easy, but because I'm a better me now.
I know we all process so very differently, but I turned to my first love: literature. Here are some of the books that got me through some SHITTTT...and can do so for you so write them down:
-A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson
-The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer
-Anxious for Nothing by Max Lucado
-Loving What Is by Byron Katie
-You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero
I spent a lot of time reading and crying to my friends and breathing through the hurt. Because of hitting such a low, ugly spot, I wasn't exactly drawn to posting a highlight reel. We may crave genuine connection when we reach out to our phones, but I sought it in God and my loved ones instead. And then I kept seeking them...and it felt so much better than Instagram.
My Instagram started as a way to promote the hair business I was working on. With absolutely zero intention, it turned into one more platform hawking stuff that you don't need. That I didn't need. I am a girl of Goodwill and DIY! Oh and by the way, I really wasn't very good at it. Others do it far better. Some even do it with a stitch of integrity.
As great as my disdain for disclaimers is, here goes:
I do not judge anyone for what they do or how they do it or anything at all ever. I am a sinner, you are a sinner, we are all the same. So to the bloggers I know and follow and love and admire: YOU DO YOU GIRLFRIEND! I love watching you grow and rooting you on and will never stop. I am so thankful for every opportunity and company I've gotten to work with! I have made such sweet friends and connections through it all, and I can't thank them enough!! I am just no longer using this platform in that way. Because of that, starting my new job, and trying to live the truth I spent so long digging out of me, I haven't spent much time on the gram. I miss my community of hair lovers and I hope to return to posting hair pics very soon! But I learned to place that last on my list of importance.
If everything is a priority, nothing is.
I used to get anxiety at 8:30 pm daily if I didn't have something I felt worth posting. WHAT A WORTHLESS WAY TO SPEND A MOMENT. I'm not interested in ever feeling that again. I want to pour into my people, the ones in my every day, the gifts straight from God who make my world go round. Instagram has to come last, because it doesn't matter and isn't real. The people though, in life and online, are real and every single person matters.
All that to say, I have spent so much time and effort and had a lot of fun building this blog and my Instagram, and I'm not ready to let these babies go. I have a love for hair (and helping other people love THEIR hair) that has been inside me before I ever had an audience. So if you're still here, I'm very glad to have you. I hope that I can bring something to your life other than a want for something you don't have.
You are already equipped with all you'll ever truly need.
As you probably (most definitely) have seen on Instagram by now, Shoes of Prey have taken custom footwear to a whole new level. I was so excited to work with them to design these beauts! Between undergoing three foot surgeries and having been blessed with my dad's "caveman feet" as we so lovingly refer to them, shoe shopping can be a bit of a bear.
I am typically a size 5, but heels can be difficult because I've got a surgery bump on my right foot, and my right foot is also smaller than my left! I loved the Lodi silhouette because the slingback is adjustable and I chose the 2.8 in height so that it was comfortable but still stylish.
Shoes of Prey offers extending sizing (2-15) in narrow, standard, wide, and extra wide for most styles. They have so many color and style options that they can range from classic and neutral (which is obviously the route I took) to completely eclectic and unique.
You can even pick a custom inscription to put on the lining of your design...I went with the name of my brainchild and passion project of course!
These already quickly made their way into my regular rotation of kicks, but the custom inscription makes them something I'll keep forever! If you decide to design your own pair, you can use code FORTHEDAINTYDAYS
to put a special word or phrase into your design free of charge!
Have you guys checked Shoes of Prey out yet? I had a blast designing these babes and I'm sure you would too...such a fun gift idea as well for the Carrie Bradshaw in your life.
Thank you for reading!
Hey pals, I hope you're doing well.
I wanted to share a quick post on my latest Goodwill DIY--I've yet to find denim like these so I decided to make my own! Luckily I found the perfect pair of Levi's at Goodwill to use for this particular project, but any pair of true denim will do. "Jegging" material will have a very different end result, so for this DIY I'd stick to normal denim material.
Put the pants on and make a slight cut where you think the top of the cuts should be. I always begin the cuts an inch or two above my knee caps but personal preference comes into play here! I purposely made these slightly asymmetrical so you might notice the right leg cut is higher than the left. Take off your britches and finish cutting. For the right leg I made one horizontal cut and then one vertical cut on the outer seam to make the flap effect happen, and the left leg I just cut two horizontal parallel (ish) lines for a smaller slit effect.
For the smaller slit, pull the threads out with tweezers. It can be tricky to get this started, but easy to finish up once you do!
This is with all the threads pulled and pre-wash.
Post wash! The dryer really get it to fray so I usually skip the emery board step that a lot of slit skinny DIYs suggest.
And that's it! My favorite part about making your own knee slit skinnies is that you can cut them to fit your bod! A lot of the skinnies I can find in stores have the holes placed in spots meant for taller gals. They only get more distressed with each wash and wear, so the holes will change over time but I only love them more as they do!
If you try this out I'd love to see your recreations :)
Hope this was helpful! If there's any other DIYs you'd like to see, just let me know.
As opposed to the well-known "daddy issues" (how did Demi make this seem enticing?), I've got mommy issues. It's not something I often share on here, but I figured now is as good a time as any to open up.
My childhood is largely a blur. I took PSYCH 101 so no worries, I know memories are as messed up as we are. A lot of our "memories" have actually been misremembered, implanted in our minds via stories (so not really memories at all), or are largely false. Or maybe trauma led you to block some of them out. I can hardly remember anything that's gone badly in my life, but I do remember how I felt in the aftermath.
My mom left when I was in 7th grade (or was it 8th? I wasn't kidding about not remembering much). I will never fully understand whatever was happening in my parent's marriage at that time, and I know I'll never be able to truly grasp the conditions surrounding her flee from our house. I had a super easy breezy childhood, with the nuclear family much intact. I'm sure we had normal hiccups like the rest of the families on this planet, but I remember being pretty happy. Once she was gone, it was like a chasm opened up and a brand new reality tumbled out.
I could dive as deep as if you were my personal therapist, but I think that's for another day. As you might imagine, I have some trust issues with mommy dearest. She has some issues as well, of a rather different variety...but to be fair don't we all? I won't pretend to understand why she is the way that she is, but my love and respect for her has been punctured in a multitude of hurtful ways. Good interactions were closely followed by negative ones, and without getting too deep--I'm a bit guarded with her now. It's the only way I can feel safe.
"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
While I try to extend the same grace which has been afforded me, I am human and fail on the regular. I want anyone out there who also agonizes in the Hallmark aisle for a card which reads "You scarred me and left but I hope you have a good Sunday and that one day I don't hurt quite so much." rather than the "YOU DA BEST MOM EVER!". Just know that you're not alone and neither am I. Maybe next year I'll have unpacked this baggage to a place where those cards don't make me roll my eyes (or let's be honest, cry right in public like a psycho). Maybe I'm immensely unfair and I'll never know that she was fully justified in doing exactly what she did. All I am certain of, is that I am who I am because of each and every thing I've endured, and I like that person. This life has brought me surrogate mommas in the most important ways. So here's to my biological mom and every other woman who's filled in the holes she left in me--
Happy Mother's Day!
You really are amazing. I admire you, I thank you, and I hope you know that even if you messed up along the way--so did everyone else. Motherhood is such a selfless state (one I've clearly never entered the ranks of so I promise I'm no expert), but I know that one day I'll carry along a bit of wisdom from each mom who's treated me like their own.
I've been noodling on this concept for a while now, to say the least. A long while would probably hold most true. I started this blog when Evan and I were first married, I was navigating my first year out of school in two decades, and learning the ups and downs of my first full time job.
I needed an outlet, and that is what I found. I started my Dainty instagram in November 2014 and quickly became consumed by it. It was all hair to begin with, but as brands wanted to work with me, and my hair inspo quickly dwindled until there was little at all, it became a fashion page. I don't have to do my hair intricately on the daily, but there are laws commanding my getting dressed all 365 of them. Though my love for what initially fueled the invention of my page fizzled out, my love for the 'gram was stronger than ever...until about January 2017.
It was then I was introduced to The Minimalists by a friend, and I hopped on that bandwagon too. To be fair, this seems like a mighty fine bandwagon to join and I am still very much involved with all the media they put out into the world. This duo shares how they've improved their lives with less. Less stuff gives them more time for their health, time to dedicate to their values, and time to spend on their loved ones instead of things they "love". I went through a phase where cleaning out my closet and decluttering were a normal after work activity, and it worked for a while. But eventually the stuff found it's way back in, because I was solving the symptoms and not the disease.
If you've spent any amount of time on instagram (and according to many studies, you probably have), you know that the fashion Instagram sphere encourages an antithetical approach to minimalism. It encourages you to buy more, follow more, post more, comment more, MORE MORE MORE! And never stop doing more by the way, because the algorithm will find you and somehow find a way to chop off your legs. I have no idea how the algorithm works (do any of us really?) but in my understanding, the more you play on Insta, the more visible you are. So unless you're spending a LOT of time liking, posting, commenting, following, etc. you're basically invisible not only to new people but to the PEOPLE WHO ALREADY FOLLOW YOU. How messed up that is, I don't think I need to explain.
Add this to my finding Jesus, and my word you've got an absent Instagrammer.
I grew up going to church but hating every second there. I was there, but I didn't know why and I certainly didn't get much out of chasing my brother and cousin around at "children's church" each week. Not only because I was slow as hell, but because there was little biblical teaching. To be fair, I don't think I would've been very responsive even if there had been. Fast forward to August 2017 when I finally stepped foot into the church I'd been driving past for two years. As a painfully introverted girl with some serious RBF, I wasn't sure what church I'd be able to find whose members wouldn't bombard me at the door ready to make me talk. My dad kindly suggested I slip in right at the start of service so there wasn't much talking time. I'm so type A I hadn't even considered there was an alternative to showing up everywhere 10 mins early (minimum). So slip in I did, and it wasn't long until the church truly became my sanctuary. I can breathe there, I am safe there, and I am among friends. I even like to talk to these friends now.
Sorry for the forever long backstory, but it was necessary to get you where I'm next taking you.
Instagram is so ugly to me now. Or I suppose, the way I've been using it has lost it's luster. The constant influx of "you need this" is frankly exhausting and UNTRUE! We are bombarded with the message that we aren't enough. We don't make enough, have enough, spend enough, look good enough, ANYTHING enough. And believing that is a sad way to spend our days. My momma told me that as I grow closer to God, the world will become less and less. And as always she is correct! I love following very few of the accounts I actually look through daily, and because I didn't want to add to the detrimental noise of anyone else's life I've shied away from my own feed. I want to spend my time and attention on who and what truly matters, and I'm happy to let my follower count dwindle as I spend less and less time on Insta. What started as a creative outlet quickly took on a life of its own, and I've got so much more worth focusing on than an app. I balk at the amount of time spent on my phone each day, and how much better my time could've been spent. Looking at stranger's accounts will get you nothing at the end of the day, but investing in yourself and your values always pays off. I encourage you to unfollow anyone who gives you any type of negative feel! Myself included.
I no longer feel at home on Insta, but instead in the sphere of people who truly matter to me and in the church that is my refuge. I have battled anxiety since childhood, and that can easily flirt with depression if untended. 2018 seems to be the most anxiety-ridden time in American's lives to date, and I know it's only up from here unless we enact some serious principle reversing here. Instagram and our completely backwards society want us to keep searching, but not for anything that will satiate our desires or close our wallets. Malls are filled with people looking to purchase what can never be bought. Don't buy into it (pun intended). In case you need a reminder like I do:
You are in this world, but not of it. Don't let it consume you.
You are enough, you have enough, and you do enough.
If you'd like to treat the disease rather than the symptoms, start with prioritizing what matters to you. And then end with that, because this one wild, precious life is YOURS alone to do with as you will.
I'd love to hear your thoughts! Please feel free to comment them or email me <3
Behind the dainty days is a whole lot of planning. And coffee.